Ripped Reminder January 20, 2017
EVERY emotion has a message for you. APPRECIATE the message.
“Negative” emotions are simply signals that YOU want something changed.
Let’s say I’m in a meeting presenting a new project idea, I state an opinion, and someone else says, “Really, Chris?” with a very harsh look of disdain on his face, and I get angry at that response. Why? Hmmm…let’s first return to our 6 core human needs: Certainty/ Security/ Safety; Variety; Significance; Love/Connection; Growth; Contribution.
In my case, I got angry because I was trying to rally support (connection) for a new project (variety, growth, contribution), and I was afraid that his words/actions would cause others to reject the idea which would mean I couldn’t then do the project (loss of variety, contribution, growth), and that “made” me feel trapped (unsafe) and unable to do something that would have taught me a lot (loss of growth) and helped thousands of people (loss of contribution). And, if I’m being honest, not being about to do the project would mean that I would lose the chance to “shine” (loss of significance), and quite possibly get worried about retaining my job (certainty). And, I thought I had a real connection with that person and his words/actions (the harsh disdain) made me feel like the connection was lost.
So what did I learn from getting angry from the response I got?
- I don’t think I’m contributing enough to the world in general…and there are still plenty of other ways to do so even if the project gets squashed
- I care too much about what others think of me as a source of significance…I’m significant by default so who cares
- I care about retaining a connection with that person…and I can turn my emotions to curiosity to understand his skepticism
- Perhaps I jump to conclusions way too quickly and that I interpreted his words/actions NOT as he meant them (maybe he just sucked on a really sour candy at the same time!!!)
- I need a new job that has more variety and growth incorporated into the position/function [hypothetically speaking, my colleagues!!!]
Think of an event, thought, or experience that generated an emotion…ANY emotion, even “positive” ones.
What about YOU created that emotion from that event, thought, or experience?
What needs did you think were being filled or threatened from it?
What can you realize about yourself and what you want based on those needs?
What do you want to discover now that you’ve thought that through?