A Message in an Emotion

Ripped Reminder January 20, 2017

EVERY emotion has a message for you.  APPRECIATE the message.
“Negative” emotions are simply signals that YOU want something changed.

 Chris’ Commentary

Let’s say I’m in a meeting presenting a new project idea, I state an opinion, and someone else says, “Really, Chris?” with a very harsh look of disdain on his face, and I get angry at that response.  Why? Hmmm…let’s first return to our 6 core human needs: Certainty/ Security/ Safety; Variety; Significance; Love/Connection; Growth; Contribution.

In my case, I got angry because I was trying to rally support (connection) for a new project (variety, growth, contribution), and I was afraid that his words/actions would cause others to reject the idea which would mean I couldn’t then do the project (loss of variety, contribution, growth), and that “made” me feel trapped (unsafe) and unable to do something that would have taught me a lot (loss of growth) and helped thousands of people (loss of contribution).  And, if I’m being honest, not being about to do the project would mean that I would lose the chance to “shine” (loss of significance), and quite possibly get worried about retaining my job (certainty). And, I thought I had a real connection with that person and his words/actions (the harsh disdain) made me feel like the connection was lost.

 So what did I learn from getting angry from the response I got?

  • I don’t think I’m contributing enough to the world in general…and there are still plenty of other ways to do so even if the project gets squashed
  • I care too much about what others think of me as a source of significance…I’m significant by default so who cares
  • I care about retaining a connection with that person…and I can turn my emotions to curiosity to understand his skepticism
  • Perhaps I jump to conclusions way too quickly and that I interpreted his words/actions NOT as he meant them (maybe he just sucked on a really sour candy at the same time!!!)
  • I need a new job that has more variety and growth incorporated into the position/function [hypothetically speaking, my colleagues!!!]

 

Think of an event, thought, or experience that generated an emotion…ANY emotion, even “positive” ones.
What about YOU created that emotion from that event, thought, or experience?
What needs did you think were being filled or threatened from it?
What can you realize about yourself and what you want based on those needs?
What do you want to discover now that you’ve thought that through?

 

One Law,

Chris

Enter the Arena

Ripped Reminder January 25, 2017

THE MAN IN THE ARENA. Excerpt from the speech “Citizenship In A Republic” by Theodore Roosevelt, delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

 

Bruce Lee.

Don’t pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

And of course the great, Rocky Balboa.

It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. It’s how much you can take and keep moving forward.

Chris’ Commentary

Enter the arena knowing that you will get beat down; WHEN it happens, get the F#%* back up and get beat down again…over, and over, and over again.  Exit the arena to recover if necessary…and then reenter the arena, and get beat down again with blood in your eyes, tears running down your arms, and pride pounding in your expanding heart.  And get back up…again.  Every day.  Every encounter.  Every decision. 

What are your arenas?  An addiction? Weight loss? Troubled relationship? An upcoming public speech? A new venture? Being a parent? Trying something you KNOW you are going to “fail” at? Dealing with a limiting belief that your kids will adopt too unless you break it?

Know your arenas; know you’ll fall; know that you’ll get back up…again.

One Law.

The Story You Tell Yourself

Ripped Reminder November 30, 2016

If you continue to tell yourself the same story, it will continue to be true for you.  BUT, WHEN you CHANGE your story, you can change your life…if that is what you want to do.

The classic example is a person who walks up to another in a bar and asks, “Can I buy you a drink?” To which the response is, “No thank you.” Whatever person “A” says to him/herself next is often the only, automatic, and most believed story that s/he hears, and it carries with it immeasurable meaning and impact for his/her future. Like, perhaps…

  • “I’m not attractive” (self-directed and negative)
  • “Maybe s/he is waiting for his/her spouse” (other-directed and neutral)
  • “S/he seems like such a jerk anyway.” (other-directed and negative)
  • “I’m way too good for him/her anyway.” (self-directed and protective/inflated – ultimately negative)
  • “Why can’t I find anyone?” (victim oriented and negative)
  • “I’m glad I tried because not trying would have been the ONLY failure! What, if anything, can I learn from this? NEXT!!!” (universally oriented and POSITIVE)

 

These are but a few of 100’s of examples of mini stories that people in this situation tell themselves. Obviously, there are 1000’s of other situations.

What stories are you telling yourself?

What internal dialogue are you having with yourself after an experience, communication, observation, thought and/or feeling?

If you were to tweak or overhall your stories, what would they sound like if they only massively empowered you?

 

One Law.

Deserve This

Ripped Reminder February 3, 2017

“You get what you deserve” is a B/S statement.  You don’t deserve S&#*!  And…you don’t NOT deserve S&#* either.

Chris’ Commentary

#1. Something happens that you wanted to happen…or something does not happen that you didn’t want to happen.  Awesome!  Did you “deserve” this outcome? No.  You did things (or didn’t do things) that created this result.  Perhaps consciously with specific intent, or perhaps unconsciously.  Perhaps with the grace of some higher power, or perhaps not.   Either way, had you made different decisions, different outcomes would have resulted; but you didn’t…you made the ones that brought you your desired outcome.

#2. Something happens that you didn’t want to happen…or something does not happen that you wanted to happen.  Did you “deserve” this outcome? Again, no.  Same thing…you did (or didn’t do) things that resulted in these outcomes.

Important context…there are of course things that you can control, things that you can’t control but can influence, and things you can’t even influence.  So the above concepts can be easily torn apart, but apply these two things that you do have a large degree of control over, and see what you think, such as:

  • Money
  • Your participation in your relationships
  • Your health
  • Many other life “circumstances”

If you took the word “deserve” out of your life, how would you express what you want and don’t want when you get or don’t get it?

Think of 5 things you want, and 5 things you don’t want.  Then think of all of the things you are doing to produce those results. Is it enough? If you take “deserving” out of the equation, do you think you are doing what you need to do to get those results? It’s up to you, kids.

You can probably imagine what I think of the concept of “human rights” too, right?

One Law

Pop songs? Really?

Ripped Reminder January 23, 2017

We see our desired beauty in almost everything, when we look for it with authentic sincerity.

ESPECIALLY in pop songs – yup.  I’ve made it a fun and insightful practice to listen to the words of many pop songs to see if reframing the words supports my ongoing process to further meet my needs for introspection, awareness, self-appreciation, and drive. As such, I started a playlist of songs. It also includes songs that are simply uplifting and motivating.  Examples of both include:

At times, I need to think of myself in the 3rd person or think in terms of parts of me (as opposed to all of me) for this process of reframing to “work.”

What do you hear when you are jamming out to your favorite songs?

Can you reframe what is probably about love for or inspiration from someone else, to love for and inspiration from yourself?

 One Law