Crazy for 8s

Ripped Reminder Jan 17, 2017

“My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.” ― Coco Chanel

Chris’ Commentary

Life gets (is) crazy. Sometimes we perceive a/our situation as out of control which then leads us to feeling trapped, powerless and often fearful of the unknown, AND fearful of the idea that the situation will never change and we’ll be stuck forever.  Pay attention to what you do next.  From what I understand, most people (me included!) enter a “Crazy 8” where they cycle back-and-forth between sadness/bitterness/depression, and anger/rage/frustration (and all related feelings) – see the image below.  For example, you might experience this as alternating between self-pity and wanting to kick someone’s a$$.

Image result for crazy 8 symbol

Also know that when one enters the Crazy 8, they’ll typically start on one side or the other and then cycle back-and-forth; I start on the anger side of the 8.

So yes, you could try to avoid the Crazy 8 altogether forever and yes, we are trying to create a civilization on Mars too…or, you could learn how to recognize and exit it…in healthy ways.

  1. Unhealthy ways: berating someone for having “done something to you,” drugs or alcohol to dampen the feeling, gamble, anything else that provides you with temporary distraction.
  2. Healthy options:
    • Change your model of the world and/or your rules of the game
    • Get better at recognizing the triggers that make you feel out of control and find different “go to” solutions to either side of the 8 (e.g., finding love and lessons in the situation, etc., etc., etc.)
    • Stop thinking the situation is happening TO you and realize that (1) YOU are causing the situation and/or (2) YOU are causing your perception of being out of control and/or (3) life is happening FOR you and not TO you
    • Be your creative human self and write down at least 3 possible ideas to either regain the control you think you’ve lost, or to enjoy and profit from the situation as it is

Which side of the Crazy 8 do you enter?

The last time you got yourself out of a tailspin in a healthy way, what did you do? How did you do it? Learn from that experience for the next time you find yourself feeling powerless.

One Law,

 –          Chris

A Message in an Emotion

Ripped Reminder January 20, 2017

EVERY emotion has a message for you.  APPRECIATE the message.
“Negative” emotions are simply signals that YOU want something changed.

 Chris’ Commentary

Let’s say I’m in a meeting presenting a new project idea, I state an opinion, and someone else says, “Really, Chris?” with a very harsh look of disdain on his face, and I get angry at that response.  Why? Hmmm…let’s first return to our 6 core human needs: Certainty/ Security/ Safety; Variety; Significance; Love/Connection; Growth; Contribution.

In my case, I got angry because I was trying to rally support (connection) for a new project (variety, growth, contribution), and I was afraid that his words/actions would cause others to reject the idea which would mean I couldn’t then do the project (loss of variety, contribution, growth), and that “made” me feel trapped (unsafe) and unable to do something that would have taught me a lot (loss of growth) and helped thousands of people (loss of contribution).  And, if I’m being honest, not being about to do the project would mean that I would lose the chance to “shine” (loss of significance), and quite possibly get worried about retaining my job (certainty). And, I thought I had a real connection with that person and his words/actions (the harsh disdain) made me feel like the connection was lost.

 So what did I learn from getting angry from the response I got?

  • I don’t think I’m contributing enough to the world in general…and there are still plenty of other ways to do so even if the project gets squashed
  • I care too much about what others think of me as a source of significance…I’m significant by default so who cares
  • I care about retaining a connection with that person…and I can turn my emotions to curiosity to understand his skepticism
  • Perhaps I jump to conclusions way too quickly and that I interpreted his words/actions NOT as he meant them (maybe he just sucked on a really sour candy at the same time!!!)
  • I need a new job that has more variety and growth incorporated into the position/function [hypothetically speaking, my colleagues!!!]

 

Think of an event, thought, or experience that generated an emotion…ANY emotion, even “positive” ones.
What about YOU created that emotion from that event, thought, or experience?
What needs did you think were being filled or threatened from it?
What can you realize about yourself and what you want based on those needs?
What do you want to discover now that you’ve thought that through?

 

One Law,

Chris

Enter the Arena

Ripped Reminder January 25, 2017

THE MAN IN THE ARENA. Excerpt from the speech “Citizenship In A Republic” by Theodore Roosevelt, delivered at the Sorbonne, in Paris, France on 23 April, 1910.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

 

Bruce Lee.

Don’t pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

And of course the great, Rocky Balboa.

It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. It’s how much you can take and keep moving forward.

Chris’ Commentary

Enter the arena knowing that you will get beat down; WHEN it happens, get the F#%* back up and get beat down again…over, and over, and over again.  Exit the arena to recover if necessary…and then reenter the arena, and get beat down again with blood in your eyes, tears running down your arms, and pride pounding in your expanding heart.  And get back up…again.  Every day.  Every encounter.  Every decision. 

What are your arenas?  An addiction? Weight loss? Troubled relationship? An upcoming public speech? A new venture? Being a parent? Trying something you KNOW you are going to “fail” at? Dealing with a limiting belief that your kids will adopt too unless you break it?

Know your arenas; know you’ll fall; know that you’ll get back up…again.

One Law.

Deserve This

Ripped Reminder February 3, 2017

“You get what you deserve” is a B/S statement.  You don’t deserve S&#*!  And…you don’t NOT deserve S&#* either.

Chris’ Commentary

#1. Something happens that you wanted to happen…or something does not happen that you didn’t want to happen.  Awesome!  Did you “deserve” this outcome? No.  You did things (or didn’t do things) that created this result.  Perhaps consciously with specific intent, or perhaps unconsciously.  Perhaps with the grace of some higher power, or perhaps not.   Either way, had you made different decisions, different outcomes would have resulted; but you didn’t…you made the ones that brought you your desired outcome.

#2. Something happens that you didn’t want to happen…or something does not happen that you wanted to happen.  Did you “deserve” this outcome? Again, no.  Same thing…you did (or didn’t do) things that resulted in these outcomes.

Important context…there are of course things that you can control, things that you can’t control but can influence, and things you can’t even influence.  So the above concepts can be easily torn apart, but apply these two things that you do have a large degree of control over, and see what you think, such as:

  • Money
  • Your participation in your relationships
  • Your health
  • Many other life “circumstances”

If you took the word “deserve” out of your life, how would you express what you want and don’t want when you get or don’t get it?

Think of 5 things you want, and 5 things you don’t want.  Then think of all of the things you are doing to produce those results. Is it enough? If you take “deserving” out of the equation, do you think you are doing what you need to do to get those results? It’s up to you, kids.

You can probably imagine what I think of the concept of “human rights” too, right?

One Law

Pop songs? Really?

Ripped Reminder January 23, 2017

We see our desired beauty in almost everything, when we look for it with authentic sincerity.

ESPECIALLY in pop songs – yup.  I’ve made it a fun and insightful practice to listen to the words of many pop songs to see if reframing the words supports my ongoing process to further meet my needs for introspection, awareness, self-appreciation, and drive. As such, I started a playlist of songs. It also includes songs that are simply uplifting and motivating.  Examples of both include:

At times, I need to think of myself in the 3rd person or think in terms of parts of me (as opposed to all of me) for this process of reframing to “work.”

What do you hear when you are jamming out to your favorite songs?

Can you reframe what is probably about love for or inspiration from someone else, to love for and inspiration from yourself?

 One Law