Crazy for 8s

Ripped Reminder Jan 17, 2017

“My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.” ― Coco Chanel

Chris’ Commentary

Life gets (is) crazy. Sometimes we perceive a/our situation as out of control which then leads us to feeling trapped, powerless and often fearful of the unknown, AND fearful of the idea that the situation will never change and we’ll be stuck forever.  Pay attention to what you do next.  From what I understand, most people (me included!) enter a “Crazy 8” where they cycle back-and-forth between sadness/bitterness/depression, and anger/rage/frustration (and all related feelings) – see the image below.  For example, you might experience this as alternating between self-pity and wanting to kick someone’s a$$.

Also know that when one enters the Crazy 8, they’ll typically start on one side or the other and then cycle back-and-forth; I start on the anger side of the 8.

So yes, you could try to avoid the Crazy 8 altogether forever and yes, we are trying to create a civilization on Mars too…or, you could learn how to recognize and exit it…in healthy ways.

1. Unhealthy ways: berating someone for having “done something to you,” drugs or alcohol to dampen the feeling, gamble, anything else that provides you with temporary distraction.
2. Healthy options:
   • Change your model of the world and/or your rules of the game
   • Get better at recognizing the triggers that make you feel out of control and find different “go to” solutions to either side of the 8 (e.g., finding love and lessons in the situation, etc., etc., etc.)
   • Stop thinking the situation is happening TO you and realize that (1) YOU are causing the situation and/or (2) YOU are causing your perception of being out of control and/or (3) life is happening FOR you and not TO you
   • Be your creative human self and write down at least 3 possible ideas to either regain the control you think you’ve lost, or to enjoy and profit from the situation as it is

Which side of the Crazy 8 do you enter?

The last time you got yourself out of a tailspin in a healthy way, what did you do? How did you do it? Learn from that experience for the next time you find yourself feeling powerless.

One Law,

 –          Chris

A Message in an Emotion

Ripped Reminder January 20, 2017

EVERY emotion has a message for you.  APPRECIATE the message.
“Negative” emotions are simply signals that YOU want something changed.

 Chris’ Commentary

Let’s say I’m in a meeting presenting a new project idea, I state an opinion, and someone else says, “Really, Chris?” with a very harsh look of disdain on his face, and I get angry at that response.  Why? Hmmm…let’s first return to our 6 core human needs: Certainty/ Security/ Safety; Variety; Significance; Love/Connection; Growth; Contribution.

In my case, I got angry because I was trying to rally support (connection) for a new project (variety, growth, contribution), and I was afraid that his words/actions would cause others to reject the idea which would mean I couldn’t then do the project (loss of variety, contribution, growth), and that “made” me feel trapped (unsafe) and unable to do something that would have taught me a lot (loss of growth) and helped thousands of people (loss of contribution).  And, if I’m being honest, not being about to do the project would mean that I would lose the chance to “shine” (loss of significance), and quite possibly get worried about retaining my job (certainty). And, I thought I had a real connection with that person and his words/actions (the harsh disdain) made me feel like the connection was lost.

 So what did I learn from getting angry from the response I got?

• I don’t think I’m contributing enough to the world in general…and there are still plenty of other ways to do so even if the project gets squashed
• I care too much about what others think of me as a source of significance…I’m significant by default so who cares
• I care about retaining a connection with that person…and I can turn my emotions to curiosity to understand his skepticism
• Perhaps I jump to conclusions way too quickly and that I interpreted his words/actions NOT as he meant them (maybe he just sucked on a really sour candy at the same time!!!)
• I need a new job that has more variety and growth incorporated into the position/function [hypothetically speaking, my colleagues!!!]

 

Think of an event, thought, or experience that generated an emotion…ANY emotion, even “positive” ones.
What about YOU created that emotion from that event, thought, or experience?
What needs did you think were being filled or threatened from it?
What can you realize about yourself and what you want based on those needs?
What do you want to discover now that you’ve thought that through?

 

One Law,

Chris